Questioning War
What if there is no such thing as a simple solution?
What if there isn’t a good guy and a bad guy?
What if everything they’re telling us is true?
What if everything they’re telling us is false?
What if we believe the lies?
What if we distrust the truth?
What if the guiltless die for innocent reasons?
What if there is no innocence?
What if the guilty live in luxury far from the consequences of their guilt?
What if revenge is used as an excuse to destroy what innocence remained?
What if the innocents are shielded by the guilty?
What if the guilty are shielded by the innocent?
What if the aggressors are the oppressors of the oppressed?
What if the defenders are punishing the oppressed for the actions of the oppressors?
What if religion is involved?
What if the religion is about peace, but peace is treated like a spit on flag underfoot?
What if the history of the religions goes back thousands of years?
What if there are biblical resentments?
What if religion has nothing to do with this at all?
What if religion is a smokescreen to distract from a thirst for power, a lust for blood?
What if you are interpreting each one of these questions through the lens of your own biases?
What if I’m wrong?
What if I am flooded with opinions and condemnations?
What if nations flood with dispossessed?
What if the dispossessed have nothing to possess?
What if what is possessed is the memory of the innocents whose innocence perished like so much dust from the rubble?
What if my heart breaks each day?
What if my heart is broken?
What if my heart grows cold?
What if rigor mortis creeps in and I am a zombie with eyes darting in a last fading panic?
What if that was my daughter?
What if the fury boiled and my eyes came alive, blinded, red?
What if my fury allowed me to justify the unjustifiable?
What if its the same fury in their eyes?
What if the questions didn’t matter?
What if the answers didn’t matter?
What if there were no answers?
What if these questions float through the air, unanswerable, among the ghosts that create this orange haze?
I’ve battled for weeks how to write this post. And what I kept coming back to was the fact that I just have no answers to all of these questions swirling in my head. I hope you’re satisfied with the way I settled on talking about the Israel-Hamas War.
I will also include the statement I wrote elsewhere about my feelings of this conflict that I wrote on October 9th. Obviously things have progressed in the 2 weeks since, but the sentiment has stayed the same.
I remember in 2014 when I applied to go on Birthright to Israel, the application asked about my opinions on the conflict, and though I was worried I might get disqualified I answered honestly. One question was: Who do you feel has responsibility for the conflict, I answered that both shared responsibility. The next question: Do you believe the Israeli government is honestly working to find a solution to the conflict, I said no. The next question: Do you believe Palestinian government is honestly working to find a solution to the conflict, again I said no.
My thoughts on these questions still haven't changed much in almost 10 years. Both sides share responsibility for this conflict, and neither side, the powers that be anyway, are working honestly to find a real peace.
I did make it on to the trip and was happy to find that I wasn’t the only one who thought this way. It wasn’t black or white, but many shades of gray.
On our trip we toured, among the more touristy and historical sites, parts of the border fence along the West Bank. And as a group we had a very thoughtful and honest discussion about the conflict. And we heard first hand from the many Israelis who were with us, what life was actually like in Israel as both causes and effects of the conflict. Every time I hear news about casualties or missiles, I think about them.
When this war started two days ago I woke up to the news on my phone and have not stopped clenching my teeth since.
To so many people in America and around the world, this war is abstract, it is a set of loosely understood histories and ideals. It is disconnected from the realities on the ground, the attachments, the repercussions for real people. It is black and white. This cannot be broken down in the same two lane way of thinking that we want it to be.
So we can compartmentalize.
On October 7 Hamas, the terrorist organization that rules over Palestinians in Gaza launched a multi pronged terrorist attack on unarmed, Israeli civilians. They massacred over 250 young civilians at a music festival. They have kidnapped and murdered countless women and children. At this point over 600 Israelis have been killed. That is evil.
As a response Israel is going to lay waste to Gaza, where 2 million people live in squalid conditions, mandated by Israel, but also perpetuated by Hamas and their prioritization of war over aid for their people. Israel has already cut off all electricity and blocked all supplies in and out. Countless innocent civilians will die as a result. This is also evil.
Both of these things can be true, and both can be evil. But that is where the simplicity ends.
Israel has lived its entire existence besieged. It is a country that since it’s inception has had to always sleep with one eye open. There have been countless attempts at negotiations, tries for a two state solution, but each time it has failed. But now how can there be negotiations? Hamas does not want a two state solution. The goal of Hamas is to wipe Israel off the map, their purpose is to kill Jews. As the past couple days has clearly demonstrated they are not going door to door to check to see whether these are Zionist Jews or Jews sympathetic to Palestinian liberation. They simply went door to door and killed and kidnapped.
Hamas is not interested in Palestinians, they are not fighting for freedom or liberation, they are fighting for power and fear. They know that their actions will lead to the deaths of countless innocent Palestinians and will only make any sort of peace further and further from reality. Hamas only gains power through war and conflict, so they must create war and conflict.
But Israel is far from guiltless as well. Netanyahu has done nothing but inflame the conflict, from expanding West Bank settlements to mistreatment of Palestinians, restricting democracy, and all around being a pretty shitty person.
Netanyahu, like Hamas, has no desire for a real two state solution. The only solution either side desires is outright control. So as always, when those who wage war do not share in the responsibility of fighting it, it is the innocents who die. And that is evil.
I don’t have a solution to this. I support Israel’s right to defend themselves against the powers that would want them dead. And I support the autonomy and freedom of Palestinians. I know that Israel is the only place I’ve ever felt truly safe to be Jewish. And I know that I have friends, and friends of friends, living in Israel who are afraid for their lives right now. I know that peace won’t be accomplished as long as Hamas has control over Palestinians, and I know that peace won’t be accomplished as long as Netanyahu is the Prime Minister of Israel. So, as with all things, it is with the people alone where the solutions will lie.
And for the countless innocents who have lost their lives, may their memories be a blessing.